Category Archives: Ale

Samuel Adams – Wee Heavy


From the website:

Samuel Adams Wee Heavy was inspired by both traditional Scotch ales and Scotch whiskies, for a combination of deep roasted flavor and earthy smoke character. Traditional Scottish ales vary in intensity with the strong ales known as Scotch Ale or “Wee Heavy”. To create our own version of the style we added peat smoked malt to bring the unique flavor of Scotland to this complex and satisfying brew.


If we tried to eat anything while we drank this, we would throw up.


Vince: Looks like diesel fuel, it’s so thick. Like pee with blood in it.


Vince: It’s like the liquor of beers. It smells like scotch.

Alec: It smells like I wanna throw up.

Josh: I’m smelling it, and I don’t want to taste it.

Vince: It’s like I just inhaled a forest fire. Ever smell a gas leak?


Alec: Not as bad as I remember.

Vince: Still pretty bad. I feel like it would be better hot, than it is cold.

Josh: It’s like soy sauce.

Vince: It’s that bitter, it’s as bitter as soy sauce. And it doesn’t go away.

Josh: It’s soy sauce with dirt.


Alec: I couldn’t imagine drinking this while eating anything.

Vince: Who in their right mind could possibly enjoy this?

Alec: Every time I take a sip of this it makes the back of my throat clench up, like it’s trying to reject any more from entering.

Final Thoughts

Alec: Is this beer?

Alec: It’s like drinking T-Gel shampoo.

Vince: No it’s more like Draino. Tequila makes me want to vomit, this makes me want to vomit a little bit more than that.

Josh: I just chugged it, I think it’s honestly better if you chug it.

Alec: If Scottish people drink this crap it must’ve been done on a dare.

Josh: This is what you give to your kids to punish them for drinking alcohol when they’re fourteen.

Vince: Liquor and beer had a baby, and it’s Satan.

Alec: I wanna throw up right now.

Josh: That beer was so bad that there was one bottle of it left for two weeks.

Alec: In an Irishman’s house.

Vince: That makes me feel like “21st birthday just took five shots” beer.


We think, and really hope, that we got a bad batch of Wee Heavy. As you can see in our picture the beer is very flat immediately after it was poured. In other pictures online the beer always has a nice head. We have talked about trying this beer again but no one wants to pay for it since it may end up the same.

Update:  Sam Adams has issued us a refund.  We are going to try another brand of Wee Heavy first then maybe revisit this one.

Wexford Irish Style Cream Ale


From Total Wine:

This authentic Irish Ale dates back to 1810 from Co. Wexford. Brewed to an original family recipe using Irish malt and hops, Wexford has a smooth mellow creaminess from the widget in the can.


No food left by this point.


Vince: The most beautiful beer I’ve ever seen.

Josh: Looks amazing.

Alec: When I first poured it I was worried that it was all head, but it quickly settled down and looked perfect. It looked like a beer straight out of a publicity shot.


Alec: Butter.

Josh: Beautiful smell.

Alec: It smells like head but I don’t want to say that.


Alec: It’s like cream soda beer.

Vince: In a blind test I’d say this was Guinness but…better. A vanilla taste with a little bit of a smokey aftertaste. Hobbits would drink this. Or Paula Deen, this is Paula Deen’s beer!

Josh: Tastes fantastic.


Alec: I would probably throw up if I drank more than two of these, just from how dense it is. I feel like it was invented for Irish people who don’t like Guinness.

Vince: Smooth.

Final Thoughts

Alec: I still have half a glass left. I like it, it’s drinkable. Not something you could pound five in a row, but I would drink it again.

Josh: I feel like if I went out and this was on the menu, it would take me so long to decide if I wanted to drink this I would just order something else instead.

Alec: You could order this beer and keep nursing it for over 30 minutes and it would still look like a fresh pour.

Vince: One of the most good looking beers I’ve seen. Very drinkable, I could drink one or two of these, but I’d probably need to be carted home.

Alec: And not because you were drunk.

Josh: Because you were bloated.

Alec: Remember that scene in Willy Wonka where they’re in the room with the bubbles…

Sometime later…

Vince: Very easy to drink. It’s like when I go to Kilwin’s and get a Cake Batter Milkshake.

Alec: A Cake Batter Milkshake, fatty?

Lazy Magnolia – Southern Pecan


From the website:

Southern Pecan Nut Brown Ale is the first beer in the world, to our knowledge, made with whole roasted pecans. The pecans are used just like grain and provide a nutty characteristic and a delightful depth to the flavor profile. This beer is very lightly hopped to allow the malty, caramel, and nutty flavors shine through. The color is dark mahogany. Southern Pecan won a Bronze Medal in the 2006 World Beer Cup in the Specialty Beer category.


Alec: No food with the beers tonight.

Vince: I stopped and got some Chik-fil-a on the way over but it didn’t last very long.

Josh: Nothing.


Alec: Nice dark color, but it’s hard to photograph because the head disappears so quickly.

Vince: The color is probably the best part of this beer. The head didn’t last at all.

Josh: It has a nice color, but I’d rather take a picture of this with your child’s camera instead of a good one.


Alec: Inoffensive.

Vince: Smells like nothing at first, but later on it reminded me of syrup.

Josh: The smell reminds me of my beer glasses when I don’t rinse them out, and then I smell them the next morning.


Alec: Too smooth, pretty boring. If you weren’t told this was a beer made with pecans you wouldn’t be able to figure it out. You could probably tell someone this was a Yuengling and they’d believe you.

Vince: It’s pleasant but it wouldn’t rank in my top 100 beers. It’s actually pretty underwhelming. Tastes good with Chik-fil-a though.

Josh: I thought the color was nice, but the taste doesn’t match the color. I wouldn’t order this anywhere.


Alec: It’s drinkable, but I don’t know why you’d want to.

Vince: You could drink this with a model and she would be OK with this.

Josh: You could actually switch a girl from a cosmo to this and she wouldn’t mind.

Vince: It’s like background noise, like when you have a movie playing while you fall asleep, you could be watching anything, like Jersey Shore, it’s just noise.

Final Thoughts

Josh: I’m crying.

Vince: Passable.

Josh: Blank.

Alec: If someone gave this to me I’d drink it.

Vince: I wouldn’t waste $3 on it.

Cleo: Meow.