Leinenkugel’s – Canoe Paddler

Beer

From the website:

In 1906, the Kolsch-style beer originated from the Cologne region of Germany as a crisp and light beer to combat the summer heat. Leinenkugel’s® Canoe Paddler™ is our take on the Kolsch-style beer that we tweaked with a touch of rye. Our spring and summer seasonal has subtle malt flavors, a clean finish and adventurous quality.

Food

Still eating some pizza with this one.

Smell

Vince:  Smells like Natty Light.  Recognize that smell, Stevo?

Alec:  Smells like water.

Vince:  It’s got that cheap bar-beer smell to it.  After you have a really crazy party, and there’s a bunch of solo cups laying around; this is what you smell the next day.  Smells like a large pitcher of cheap beer.

Look

Alec:  Head didn’t last very long.

Taste

Stevo:  Definitely has that wet paper towel, or cardboard flavor.  PBR tastes better than this.

Alec:  You think so?

Vince:  Yeah this is probably … no.  This is like drinking Natty Light.

Stevo:  I think Natty Light actually has a better flavor.  Natty Light tastes like carbonated water.  This tastes like carbonated water plus, a dead rat.

Vince:  This isn’t good at all.

Alec:  I think you’re going a little overboard.

Stevo:  It’s a little bad.

Alec:  It’s not great.

Vince:  This reminds me of my days of beer pong and “Let’s buy the cheapest thing we can find.”

Stevo:  I feel like it’s overly carbonated to make up for the lack of taste.  Very dull.

Alec:  It’s good with the pizza with jalapeños.  It washes away the burn for just a second.  Then it comes back just a little bit.

Vince:  What’s that taste…?

Stevo:  Dirty tap.  This is what the vendors give the bars.  “This is what your beer could taste like if you don’t allow us to clean your taps.”  It kind of has a little bit of a blood taste…afterwards.

Alec:  Are you sure you’re not dying?

Stevo:  I think I’m actually bleeding because of this.

Drinkability

Vince:  You could pound 8 of these.  Not because of the flavor though.  You could pound 8 of these because you have to.

Alec:  You could probably get pounded after you’ve had 8 of these.

Stevo:  Well, it works both ways.

Vince:  This isn’t good.  If it were this and Miller Light on tap, I’d have to go Miller Light.

Alec:  Those are harsh words, my friend.

Stevo:  I would go with that too.

Vince:  MGD 64 over this.  I could think of a plethora of beers over this one.  This is probably my least favorite beer.

Stevo:  I would say some sort of cider would be below this.  I would rather have this than a cider.

Vince:  In terms of beer, the Wee Heavy is probably neck and neck with this.

Alec:  No the Wee Heavy makes you want to vomit; this you can drink, it’s just boring.

Stevo:  This is all the downsides of light beer without any of the good part.

Alec:  This would be what you would serve before Budweiser if you wanted to tell people you were serving good beer.  Then you start serving the Budweiser and no one can tell the difference.

Stevo:  No you serve this after; the Budweiser is better.

Vince:  This is like “I’ll have a beer, I don’t want Budweiser, you got anything better?” “Well I’ve got Canoe Paddle too” “Oh that sounds nice.”

Stevo:  I’ll have the Budweiser.

Vince:  I’m not enjoying this at all.  Is that thunder?

Stevo:  The beer gods are angry.

Final Thoughts

Vince:  I don’t recommend this at all.  Natty Light and pondwater.

Stevo:  Natty Light and three-day-old Natty Light from outside.

Alec:  This is a great beer if you’re eating spicy food, and you don’t really care about the flavor of the beer.

Stevo:  And they don’t have water.  I just got a whiff of cigarette butt.  Doesn’t it smell like someone dunked their cigarette in here to put it out?

Vince:  This tastes like dirty casino.  This is terrible beer.  This is probably what they scoop out of the canoe at the end of the journey.

Alec:  Eat a jalapeño and try it.

Stevo:  Ok I chewed the jalapeño on every side of my mouth.  It actually tastes like how it smells now.  You don’t actually taste the… I would agree with what you said about rinsing away the hotness and bringing it back gently.

Vince:  This is like 8 rounds of beer pong, and you just keep pouring more beer into the same cups.

Stevo:  Yeah and everyone’s been drinking out of them, that’s what this tastes like.

Alec:  It tastes like herpes.

Vince:  Yeah, the ball has rolled on the floor and picked up dog hair.

Alec:  It tastes like herpes and dog hair.

Stevo:  I’m sweating right now from the beer.  My body’s shutting down.

Vince:  His body’s rejecting it.

Vince:  This beer’s what college dreams are made of.

Stevo:  College mistakes.

Vince:  This is the amateur’s craft beer.  When you want to tell people “Oh man, I’m off of Natty Light now, but I’m drinking this Paddle Creek crap.”

Stevo:  This is your frat guy transition beer.

Vince:  Out of 5, I’m gonna go 1.  ‘Cause I don’t want to give it a 0.

Stevo:  I’d go with a…umm…a…umm…1.  For lack of a lower choice.

Alec:  I could agree with a 1.  Not because I hate it but because…

Stevo:  Life’s too short to waste it on this beer.

Vince:  How can they be proud of this?

 

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